I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize