went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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