Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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