He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
