i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
