I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
