I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
