Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
