Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
