Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
