I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
