bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
