Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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