My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
