hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize