We're facebook friends in real life
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
