before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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