when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vodka?
Forever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
