No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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