he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
