girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
