God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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