we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
