I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
