so that wasnt chicken after all
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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