it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
