careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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