Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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