No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
