I'm really into asian looking animals
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
