So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
