Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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