i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
