He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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