So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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