Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize