like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
wow bdsm is so cute
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
