I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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