Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
