Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
