Just took my morning after pill in the library
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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