tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
