I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
