can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
