All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
