why didn't you poke me back
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
