The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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