and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
