Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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