I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
