take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They took my balls.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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