You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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