dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
third nipple confirmed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
