He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i came on her dog
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
