if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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