I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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