No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize