so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
