Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
