how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
