My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
