i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
