I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am spending my child support on dildos
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
