Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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