Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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