he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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