Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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