we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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