Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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