No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
