Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
