so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
