I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
