I heard we made out
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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