I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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