OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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