Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
