we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
