My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
