So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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