Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
