That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
