I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize